Dean started off the day today by encouraging Cheeseheads to ignore the media, the polls, and the theory of evolution in order to "choose the strongest candidate to beat George W. Bush,", and in Dean's la-la land, that candidate is him. He ended the day by announcing that he will stay in the race even if he loses Wisconsin, admitting that this directly contradicts his previous statements.
Let me see if I can go through Dean's thought processes

• Gee everyone thinks I'm going to lose. I guess if I want to keep running I have to convince people to vote for me even though everyone thinks I'm going to get trounced.
  
• Wait, after I did that, they still think I'm going to lose. I'm screwed! Man, I like playing president. I don't want to go home. I don't want to! I want a take back! Take back, take back, I'm staying in the race

There's the Dean we know and love. Kinda crazy, out of touch with reality, and blinded by a primal desire for power.



Somewhere Terry McAuliffe's head is exploding.

Dean Begs for Votes in Wisconsin [AP]
Dean is Desperate to Stay in the Race [NYT]

Recently celebrities have been lending their clout to political issues and these endorsements have brought about amazing changes in the political landscape. For example, several weeks ago Michael Moore endorsed Clark and labeled Bush a deserter in one breath. It was endorsements like this that brought Clark's poll numbers to where they are today. Also, that deep thinker Drew Barrymore was designated a "Friend of the UN" last week. She made the UN look super-smart by saying things like "To be philanthropic is weirdly not as easy as you want it to be because the information and the resources aren't as available as they should be." I know, Drew. Libraries are very daunting. First you have to find the books, and then you have to read them.

But recent celebrity endorsements were topped off by Moby's genius idea for how John Kerry can win the general election in November.

You target [Bush's] natural constituencies. For example, you can go on all the pro-life chat rooms and say you're an outraged right-wing voter and that you know that George Bush drove an ex-girlfriend to an abortion clinic and paid for her to get an abortion. Then you go to an anti-immigration Web site chat room and ask, 'What's all this about George Bush proposing amnesty for illegal aliens?'

Perfect. Then you, like, send letter bombs full of shards of glass and Ricin to, I don't know, say Billy Graham and include a note that says "Hugs and Kisses, Dubya". Not only will Billy Graham and the entire Christian Coalition think that Bush is trying to mail bomb them, but since you signed the card "Dubya" they'll never suspect a Kerry supporter of being the true source. Excellent suggestion. Keep up the good work, Moby.

After winning Oklahoma by a scant 1,275 votes, General Wesley Clark said "Oklahoma is O.K. by me!"

We have some slogans for the other candidates:

John Kerry - "Delaware is DE-Lightful!"
John Edwards - "South Carolina is Souper Douper!"
Howard Dean - "Misourri can Bite Me!"

Wait, that wasn't nice. But it's perfect for Dean.

Primary Results [CNN]

Ever wonder about the third Bush brother? We always hear about Jeb being the Governor of Florida, but what is that Neil Bush up to? It seems that Neil is in a rather messy divorce and his wife is asking for a paternity test to determine whether he had a child with another woman. Oh, and the other woman? She also happens to be married, and her husband believes that he is the child's father.

Coke, DUI, tampering with elections, and bastard children. Damn, those Bush boys are classy.

New York Post